To set the stage, I want to make it clear that I completely disagree with any discrimination whatsoever. I always approach everybody from the point of equanimity, as divine to divine. Yet, I would like to offer a perspective in which “fighting” racism is not necessary. People want peace but keep fighting (for it). A lot of emphasis is being put on who is right and who is wrong. What is that which we keep overlooking? And how can we get out of this loop of fights?
When I saw what is happening around the issue of racism, despite the appreciation for people addressing this sensitive topic, something felt off to me. I had to write down my thoughts to sort out for myself what is going on in my head. This article is the result in which I share my thoughts with you. Please take it only as another perspective or as an inspiration. It is certainly not meant to say how things are and how they should be. It’s just my personal observations and ideas.
Peace is the opposite of fighting
Fighting for peace is for me the same as getting out of a river with an intention to dry myself and then using shower to wash the water off. I will never get dry until I stop exposing myself to the water!
It is good that we are talking about the racism, discrimination and all the injustice in the world because it only comes to the surface of our attention in order to be healed, so we can move on. However it feels to me that we make much more drama out of it than we need to, turning it into a fight, full of hatred while peace is what we really desire.
In my recent dream I was shown that sometimes it is necessary to fight in order to get into a position from which we can solve problems by not fighting. And although this is very true, my feeling is that we have been in that position for a long time already! We just din’t notice that we have a different option to choose from as the fight or passivity were the only options we knew. And because we got naturally fed up by being passive, we now tend to fall back to the fight option. But world isn’t black & white! There are many more options to choose from!
Also, if we focus only on a part of the whole, we will most likely come up only with a partial solution. Here we go, let’s stir up the waters even more 🙂
White lives matter!
I have chosen this provocative headline intentionally. Especially if you are not white, I would like to invite you to self-reflect – how does the “White lives matter!” statement make you feel? And please be as honest, as you possibly can. Does it make you feel heard/considered/seen? Or is there possibly a feeling that I am “fighting” for the “whites” and you are not really sure what I really mean and what I think of anybody else? Am I “fighting” for all, or only for myself? If you are like most, then you probably don’t know what I mean without further clarification.
Although by saying “White lives matter!” I never said that other lives don’t, or that only white lives matter, it is too vague a message for others to follow. They don’t know what I really think about them and what I am trying to tell them. And that is where a lot of confusion begins which then powers completely unnecessary arguments. And although I highly appreciate people who speak up about the injustice, I believe that it can be done way better.
The words we choose are extremely important. We cannot make assumptions that everybody else will understand what we mean when we say a 3-word statement. So our signs we display should be as precise as possible. As we speak we vibrate, as we vibrate we create. Abracadabra!
To demonstrate this idea more obviously, imagine 5 people meeting together for the very first time:
- African with a sign “Black lives matter!”
- European with a sign “White lives matter!”
- Native American with a sign “Red lives matter!”
- Indian with a sign “Brown lives matter!”
- Chinese with a sign “Yellow lives matter!”
How much further communication do you think will be necessary to make sure that all of them agree that each of them respects the other races equally? How much effort is it going to require to feel that they are truly on the same page “fighting” for the same thing and not just each for themselves?
And now let’s magnify it and imagine a crowd of thousands of people, each holding their favorite color of those who need help the most according to them. Will it be clear that all the people in this crowd are on the same page? Good luck with that!
Now imagine the same situation but instead of “<color> lives matter!” which clearly focuses only on a part of the society, each of them would hold something like:
- “Love for everyone!”
- “Equanimity for all!”
- “All lives matter!”
- “We are all in this together!”
- “Make peace, no war!”
How much further discussion would it take to understand if they are on the same page now? Clearly much less! This is the power of inclusion. It simplifies things and communication that is necessary to understand each other. It is the power of the unity consciousness which focuses on the whole, vs the separation consciousness which focuses only on the individual parts for whatever reason.
About a week ago, I pointed out the inefficiency of the “Black lives matter!” calls to a friend and I got the following response:
When you reply to a black person in a response to their statement “Black lives matter!” that “All lives matter!”, it is like if you say that firefighters should go to all houses rather than to those which are on fire right now.
However, from my point of view it is strange to believe that only or primarily houses of black people are on fire in terms of discrimination right now. From my perspective, indeed the entire world is more or less on fire. Women, gays and lesbians, all races, overweight people, disabled people, … The only difference is that you probably didn’t see any recent video of a native American or an Indian person being treated like a shit on a TV (which suggests quite a lot about how much media influences our worldview).
Here is for example my experience with the current situation in India:
I don’t want to generalize because not everybody is the same and things luckily started slowly improving, as always. But it was pretty hard to miss when I was there, so I will talk about what I or my Indian friends have experienced.
People in India often discriminate against one another based on their gender, their wealth, the color of their skin, their caste system, and pretty much anything they can find on each other. They have an unbelievable set of expectations of what an ideal family should look like and a very strong cultural peer-pressure to try to fit people into those expectations.
It is still not uncommon in India to send only boys to school because men are somehow seen as better than women. Women are often seen as slaves with very little rights. You will very rarely see a woman driving. Their self-esteem is often close to no-esteem. It still happens that parents give hard time to their daughters because they were not born as boys and thus the family will need to pay “dauri” (a lot of money in exchange for marriage permission, the better husband the more money needed) to their eventual in-laws when they get married. And if they are not willing or able to pay the dauri, then the daughter can even get killed by the in-laws because money and material wealth is somehow seen as more important than a woman’s life. Girls and boys are still usually completely separated in different classes at schools and then they don’t know how to interact with each other. This leads to women being afraid to walk on the street because they might get raped by men who have never learnt how to treat women normally. And this just scratches the surface.
Unfortunately, all this still regularly happens in 2020 and causes lots of trauma. Given the population of India, you can imagine how big an issue that is. Now after reading this – look at the statement “Black lives matter” again. Why don’t we fight for the brown lives too? Their situation isn’t any better than that of the blacks. But it wasn’t mentioned on a TV and we have a kind of “problem of our own” over here in America, don’t we? So if we manage to win the fight over discrimination of the blacks, we can then start all over fighting for another color, another gender, another belief system etc., if we actually ever start caring about the other parts of the world/system at all.
So if we already care about people being nice to each other, could we please adjust our calls just a little bit, so it is clear that we really do care about everyone and not only ourselves or those who were on TV? Let’s bring peace to all humanity, not only parts of it. There is power in unity and imagine unifying the entire world rather than just individual races! It is a tiny shift in the wording which unlocks incredibly more powerful options.
The discriminators need our help too!
In fact, I would argue that the people who discriminate against others actually need even more help than those who are oppressed.
“Wait what? Have you lost your mind? How can you say that?!“
Yes! You heard me well. And here is the bigger picture that many don’t see.
Why would anybody choose to dominate over somebody else?
Have you ever thought about that? What does motivate a person to hurt somebody else? Whether it is a bully at school or a policeman. They have something in common.
Based on my experience and understanding, these people are badly hurt by themselves and they don’t believe that they are powerful enough to feel good on their own. Often they went through a very disempowering childhood. They typically lack love for themselves and then they try to fill in this huge hole within them by things from the outside. And because they feel like they don’t have any power in their own life, they reach for such desperate actions as proving their power to themselves by hurting somebody else. And then that feels good to them – “Look how strong I am, how I can hurt that other person! And how they are afraid of me!” Yet it works only temporarily. Inside, they start accumulating doubts connected to the morale of their actions combined with the knowing that they keep feeling like they still don’t know how to be happy without making others to feel worse than them. Let alone if we start speaking about their fear of people not being afraid of them any more – because then they wouldn’t have any power whatsoever any more, right?!
So if I go back to the statement that the firefighters should go to the houses where the fire burns the most, I really think that the people who feel the need to hurt others are actually the ones who need the help the most. The victims at least don’t feel the need to hurt others and can carry on relatively peaceful lives. Think about it for a moment.
Can we change the rules of the game?
This leads me to why I am choosing to “not fight” the racists. I know that I can’t force others to accept my values. I know that I don’t want to depend on how somebody else behaves in order for me to be happy. I know that if I fight them, it will only cause more resistance. After all, fighting is already their favorite way to prove to themselves that they are good enough. Very likely they are also better fighters than I am anyway.
So instead of playing their game using their rules, I choose to accept them for who they are. I accept that they have likely gone through a lot by themselves which put them into a situation when they actually need help and that fighting them doesn’t help anybody.
Instead, I work on taking my power back and encouraging and empowering everybody around me, whether it is the oppressor, or the oppressed one to do the same. I explain to them that they are powerful creators of their own lives and of the reality they live in and that they don’t need to be dependent on others to be that way.
I demonstrate to them by being a living example that love (and especially self-love in the beginning) is the ultimate answer to any problems in the world. And I just spark them to become inspired to choose more optimistic ways of being for themselves too.
There is no such thing as a Bad person
Please realize that each person, no matter their race, gender or orientation, lives their life in the best way they can, given their own background, history and experience. Each person has their own values and priorities too. What works for me, doesn’t need to work for somebody else and vice versa.
Our education system is part of the problem because it leads us to believe that in order to fit into the society, we need to be the same. Yet this belief cannot be further from the truth (as I understand it). If everybody thinks the same, it will suppress any innovation. It is against the evolution in which everything keeps changing and evolving. The sooner we can accept that “the difference of you is what makes the difference” and that being unique is a good thing, the sooner we can thrive as a humanity, all together.
How to approach an unpreferred situation in a more accepting way?
Here’s my favorite technique how I like to work with the uncomfortable situations. Every time when somebody tells me something that doesn’t resonate with me:
- I close my eyes, take a deep breath or two and basically don’t respond with the first emotion/idea that my subconscious mind would throw out. I, just like everyone else, still have a lot of subconscious patterns which can be triggered and can cause me to blow up if I don’t pay attention to it. But it isn’t that difficult to simply not react right away.
- I imagine a table between me and the other person.
- Then I imagine that whatever they are telling me is a package which contains their own experience, their own perspective, their own intention, and generally is all about them. It can remind me something about myself too, but the package itself is their “gift” to me which they place on the table.
- Then I make a conscious choice, whether I want to accept the package or not.
- If I don’t want to pick it up, I simply leave it there. I don’t need to identify with what others say. “What others do to me is their karma, how I respond is mine.”
- So my favorite response may be e.g. “No, thank you.” or “OK. If you think so. It doesn’t match my experience.” by which I acknowledge their perspective as possibly valid without denying it and yet clearly state that it doesn’t resonate with me and that I don’t identify with it.
- And then, others simply don’t have any power over me. They can say whatever awful things they can come up with, I shrug, raise my eyebrow and let them believe in whatever they want. The only information it truly gives to me is “Alright, this doesn’t sound like a person I want to pay my attention to right now.” 🙂
When we really realize that in each and every moment we have the power of an Infinite Choice, our life becomes so much easier. Suddenly you are not the victim of others, but you make your own choices and bear their consequences and all becomes your own making.
I especially believe that we should do our best to teach the power of the Infinite Choice to our children. Especially to those who are in the early stage of learning by observing and everything others (often parents or teachers) say is kind of automatically translates into their subconscious patterns which then later steer their daily decisions throughout their lives.
This, however, implies that we need to allow our own children to have their own opinions when we try to teach them some of our own perspectives. Yep, it starts with ourselves and it is all good lesson for all of us 🙂
Crisis keeps us growing!
I have also come to believe that it isn’t beneficial to try to avoid the unpreferred situations at all cost. How would we learn our lessons if there were no challenges to overcome?
All souls incarnate with pre-arranged agreements about how we are going to trigger each other in both pleasant as well as unpleasant ways in order to keep our evolution going and to keep us growing. E.g. in my life, those who are the closest to me have hurt me the most because they were able to poke into the most sensitive parts of me. And I am so grateful for that! Because if they didn’t do that, I might not have discovered that I had these sensitive areas unprocessed in the first place! This way, I was able to notice them, focus on them, heal them and move forward.
And this role of a trigger can also be true for people who bully others. For instance, they can provoke in you a thought that you deserve more than you attributed to yourself. In a response to a bully, you can suddenly sort of have enough of all the crap and being in the victim mode, get pissed in a healthy way and step up to stand for yourself.
Would you have the courage to take on the role of “darkness” just to push somebody else in their evolution forward? That takes a lot of courage too! By which I definitely don’t want to justify any mean behavior, but rather to offer you yet another perspective, how you can approach other people who don’t meet your expectations. It is never black or white and you can always take something positive out of any situation. The universe always works for your highest good. I have learnt to trust it and it has never brought me down.
So what to do, if not fight?
Here’s my offer and my perspective, what seems to be working well for me:
Lead by example. Go within, focus on yourself, stabilize yourself first, before you focus on others. Realize that you are a unique person and that it is great to be unique! Give yourself the credit and self-love you deserve! Get yourself into a state when your love for yourself overflows into love for everything alive, so you don’t feel drained by constant giving to others.
Talk with others about your experience and what works for you. Inspire others and show them that there are other ways which can work much better. Yet do that with zero expectations on whether they will follow or not. Respect their free will.
As you focus on your own alignment, healing your own personal issues, raising your vibration and stabilizing yourself, you start understanding that everybody has their own issues and that when they behave out of alignment, it is because they are hurt by themselves. It brings more compassion towards each other, because you realize that others are not that much different from you in nature. The compassion and unconditional love connects people more than anything else I have found so far. And that is what brings us closer towards the desired Unity Consciousness.
And of course you can always count in the Law of Attraction which will always give you more of that which you focus on. So which flower pot do you want to keep watering? The one labeled “Fighting for peace”? Or the one labeled “Peace”? 🙂
Here are some of my preferences to consider:
- Compassion over Fighting
- Love and Faith over Fear
- Unity over Separation
- Taking my power back over Being in a victim mode
- Mutual respect over Blaming each other
- Focusing on myself first over Focusing on others first
- Overflowing over Depleting myself
- Leading by example and inspiring others over Pushing people where I want them to be
- Choosing positive outcomes over Negative outcomes
Please make a conscious choice to step out of the old paradigm of being in a victim mode. It is an obsolete belief system and today, we are the ones who can make conscious decisions when we choose to be happy and when we choose to be sad. All is well. My unconditional love to you all.